A point comes in most lives where someone wants to ask a girl to hook up over text. Asking to hook up over text can be difficult and can also be a deal breaker in some situations. One of the most important things that you need to understand is that every situation is different. You need to read the "room" (aka the texts) and work out your plan based on that. Some people might prefer a more roundabout approach while others might want you to be straight forward. What we are going to cover today is some of the basics to asking a girl to hook up over text.
Don't Jump Right In
Your first text message should never be, "want to have sex?" This will get you shot down almost 99% of the time. Most women, even if looking for something casual, will want some form of conversation to break the ice.
This is especially important if it is the first time that you are messaging the girl.
Determining the exact amount of ice breaker needed can be a bit difficult. You will want to judge how comfortable the person is with you and what level of relationship you have established before asking. The words they use, what they talk about, and how much they talk can give you hints on whether it is time to start moving towards hookup territory.
A joke can be a good ice breaker but you will want to make sure the joke isn't one that is likely to offend your potential partner. Try to use something catchy that has a clean nature to it. The goal is to get her attention and get a laugh.
Don't Send Unsolicited Nudes
We wish we didn't have to say this one, but don't send unsolicited nudes. Especially as a first text. If she doesn't ask for a nude and you send one anyways, chances are you will be blacklisted from the hook up list.
This also means don't ask for nudes. If she offers one or sends one, that is fine. Asking for a nude is a sure way to make her feel uncomfortable.
Breathe Life Into The Conversation
Texting can be quite a boring method of communication because it doesn't engage any senses in the same way video chatting or voice chatting does. To help compensate for that, you will want to breathe life into the conversation. Be interesting and sound like a human. Do not sound like a robot.
One way to get shot down is to ask a lot of questions that make the girl feel like she is in an interview. It is okay to ask questions and get to know her, but add content in between and respond to what she says. The conversation should be a two way street. You aren't interviewing her after all.
Match Their Communication Style
A wide variety of communication styles exist, especially over text messages. To help give yourself the best chances of hooking up, you will want to match the style of communication that your texting partner is using. For example, if they are more formal, don't use lol and make sure you use periods. The opposite is also true.
Be aware that communication styles can change. This is almost always true as a person becomes more comfortable with you.
Balance The Conversation
It can be tempting to flatter a girl in order to let her know you are interested. It is also just as common to want to have a heavy focus on talking about the hookup. Part of being successful in getting a hookup over is to learn to balance the conversation. You should spend the right amount of time complimenting her, talking about the hookup, and simply having a good conversation.
Spending too much time talking about the hookup or complimenting her will likely come off as creepy. You also don't want her to think that you are catching feelings.
Safe, Respected, and Comfortable
When a woman is considering being with a man, and often just being friends with a man, there are three things that she is likely to think about. Even if they aren't conscious. Those three things are safety, respect, and comfort.
A woman needs to feel safe with you before she will feel comfortable hooking up with you. Make sure that you do not send any messages, even jokes, that will potentially harm her ability to feel safe with you. We also talk about a key safety point in the next section, meeting somewhere public.
Respect is something that a lot of men simply don't show women. They catcall women, make bad jokes about women, and otherwise simply disrespect them. Including not listening to their opinion. To maximize your chances of getting a hook up and to simply be a good human, make sure to make the woman feel respect at all times. Ask for her opinion, let her make decisions, don't make bad jokes, and respect the fact that she is a person too.
Comfort is something that is key. Awkwardness and clashing personalities are likely to shut down any chance of a hook up. It is fine to be nervous but being nervous to the point of making the hook up awkward is likely to get you shot down. Make sure that you make her feel comfortable physically and emotionally.
Ask To Meet Somewhere Public
For most women the most nerve racking part of hooking up with someone they don't know from texting is having to meet them the first time in person. To help make yourself look the best and pet her at ease, suggest that you meet them in a public location. This will show them that you care about their safety and thus someone they are more likely to be able to trust.
The best place to suggest meeting is somewhere there will be plenty of people and is not isolating in any way. A cafe is a great option for this. You could also ask her where she would like to meet and just suggest that it be somewhere public.
Keeping all of these tips in mind is a big part of being able to have a successful hook up from texting but they aren't the only thing you need to do. A key part of being able to get a hook up with a girl via text or in person is to be yourself and be positive. You want to seem like someone that they will enjoy their time with, even if it is only a one night stand. Do your best to be authentic and positive and you never know where your personality will take you.