Sex Diaries Project
Menu

Things the Movie Fifty Shades of Grey Didn't Tell You

Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey is responsible for bringing BDSM into the mainstream, although the popular movies and book series do not always paint an accurate picture. We are willing to forgive them for this as they have helped encourage countless people dabble in their kinkier side, although it is important to emphasise one the most important aspects of BDSM - safety always comes first!

Safe and consensual BDSM sex is something everyone should experience, as it showcases just how enjoyable these kinks are when done right. Of course, there are risks to BDSM, especially the more extreme fetishes, so it is important that you always take the time to familiarise yourself how to be safe during BDSM sex.

Establish Your Limits

Your limits in BDSM may evolve over time but it is important to set some limits from the offset. By establishing limits, both you and your partner know what things are okay to do and what should be avoided. Both people should have limits too, as setting these boundaries helps to keep you feel safe and comfortable.

You might not know what your limits are when starting out, so it might help to do some research into the aspects of BDSM you want to try and think about what limits you have here. For instance, if you want to be dominated think about if there are certain things you don't want to try.

In BDSM there are two types of limits - soft limit and hard limit.

A soft limit is something that you are thinking of trying but want to do so with caution or work your way towards.

A hard limit is something that you don't want to try now or any time soon, although this may change over time as you explore BDSM.

Have a Safe Word

Most people that have heard of BDSM know about the safe word, which is an important tool for staying safe at all times. Basically, you choose one or several words to indicate how you are doing to your partner. They usually consist of saying you are okay, proceed with caution, and stop.

It is important to set safe words when being dominate and submissive in BDSM to maintain trust. AS a sub, you can always let the dom know that you are doing okay or to slow things down, allowing you to both stay in the movement while having a clear indicator of how safe you feel.

The word no is usually avoided as a safe word, as people tend to use it during BDSM sex so it can make things seem confusing. Many go for the classic colour coded safe words, with green meaning you are okay, yellow meaning go ahead but with caution, and red to stop there and then.

Avoid Doing it Under the Influence

You may feel more confident to try BDSM when you are drunk but this is not a good idea. Reaction times are slower, misunderstandings are more prevalent, and the risk of injury simply increases when anyone has been drinking and/or taking drugs.

Sobriety is always recommended for BDSM sex. Not only does it keep you safe but you are more aware of all the kinky stuff that is happening.

Be Open, Honest, and Communicative

Honesty is essential for BDSM safety - you can't be safe and enjoy yourself if you are not 100% honest! Yes, taking about vanilla sex can be embarrassing, so many feel that it's too much to talk openly about BDSM, but that shouldn't stop you from doing it.

Always ask yourself whether you are happy trying BDSM before you do it. If yes, consider what aspects of this you may want to try and whether there are limitations to any of these (as described above).

Also, consdier how safe you feel doing BDSM sex with your partner. You should always feel safe and relaxed, even during more extreme aspects of BDSM, so if there is any doubt about this make sure to communicate it.

IN fact, communicate all your feelings on BDSM sex beforehand, as it helps you and your partner determine what (if any) aspects of BDSM are best suited for you.

Familiarize Yourself with Any Toys

BDSM incorporates all kinds of toys and tools, so it helps to familiarise yourself with anything you are thinking of using. Doing so ensures you both use them safely, which is highly recommended given how risky some of these tools are.

From whips to handcuffs to gags to vibrators to candle wax, there is an assortment of BDSM tools you should learn about before using. These are all safe when used properly, so make sure you do this and the entire experience will be better and safer than you imagined.

Home > BDSM > Article