Most people are familiar with the myth of a unicorn. A legendary animal (usually a white horse but sometimes depicted as a goat) with a large spiralling horn on its forehead, the unicorn has been mentioned throughout history, from ancient Greek writings to the Bible, being a mainstay in European folklore since antiquity.
Today, the term unicorn often references something that is a rarity, with it being used in all kinds of contexts in modern culture. Perhaps one the lesser known types of unicorn is the world of dating, referencing an individual that joins a couple in their sexual (and often romantic) relationship.
Given that most people have only experienced a monogamous relationship (i.e. involving just two people), the concept of a third person joining a relationship has always been a rarity, giving birth to the term unicorn to reference these rare circumstances.
Granted, modern dating has helped shift mindsets away from traditional dating norms. People are becoming open to newer experiences, leading many people in healthy and happy relationships to explore their sexuality, including things like threesomes, open marriages, NSA, FWB and other types of non-monogamous relationships.
What is the Role of a Unicorn in Dating?
Each unicorn is unique, with their role different from each relationship. Traditionally, the term refers to a bi female joining a male and female couple in their relationship, although now it covers a third partner joining any type of relationship, be it heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual etc.
The couple are typically in a long-term relationship, with the unicorn joining them at a later point. Their role varies depending on the situation, with many purely sexual in nature (the unicorn only joins the couple during sex) and others also romantic.
In any case, the unicorn shares the sexual and romantic aspects of the relationship with both people. If it is sex, that means threesomes, while romantic things could cover anything from going on dates together to hanging at home on the couch.
Why is it Called a Unicorn?
Firstly, finding a couple that are looking to add a third person to their relationship is unique enough on its own. Add the fact that finding an individual willing to enter this type of relationship is quite difficult due to its uniqueness, most people struggle to ever find a unicorn - just like the mythological creature!
Consider the challenges in finding someone to join an existing relationship, whether sexually, romantically, or both. You must find a person willing to join this unique situation, which requires them to be attracted to both people, then they need to be okay joining an existing relationship.
Most people won't be okay with this, as conventional dating is based on monogamy, so they only want to be in a relationship involving two people. Straying from this can be challenging, so usually only those that are more open and willing to explore their sexuality enter these situations.
Yes, polyamorous relationships are more common today, yet they still remain incredible niche, making it even more challenging to find people willing to explore this lifestyle. Even then, many unicorns are experiencing the situation for the first time, so there is no guarantee that they will remain a unicorn!
All these challenges mean most people seeking a polyamorous relationship will struggle to find someone suitable. However, unlike the animal, dating unicorns are out there! This means there is a chance of finding the elusive unicorn - providing you know where to look.
Where to Find a Unicorn for Dating?
If you are in a relationship and seeking the elusive unicorn to join you both, finding them is not always straight-forward. Their rarity means there is a lot of competition for a unicorn, with many already snapped up by savvy couples that know where to find them.
Online Dating Sites
Thankfully, the world of online dating has made it much easier to find a unicorn to date. Conventional online hookup sites like AdultFriendFinder, Tinder and OkCupid are a decent place to start, although unicorns are not always found in abundance here, so challenges remain finding one.
The advantage of these is their popularity - more users mean more chances of unicorns using the hookup platform. However, they focus on monogamous relationships and hook-ups, so finding someone to join for a threesome or an open relationship is going to take time and patience.
Filters and search functions are your friends here. You can use these to narrow searches, focusing on finding people that are bisexual or pansexual, which will seriously increase the chances of finding someone willing to join you and your partner.
Of course, if you do start chatting with someone it is important to be completely up front about the situation and what you are looking for! It may take time and patience, but those willing to put the effort in may find they strike the jackpot.
There are some dating apps and sites that focus specially on open and polyamorous relationships, kinky couples, and people that are more open and adventurous in their sexuality. These are great places to try if you are not finding much luck on normal dating platforms - just remember there may be a lot of competition!
Polyamorous Social Groups
You can also check online communities focusing on polyamorous relationships, with various websites, social medial platforms, and forums making it easier to connect with like-minded individuals.
From Facebook to Instagram, most social media sites have niche polyamorous communities, and this could be the place to find a unicorn, or even just connect with other couples. Chatting with a couple that have had their own unicorn can be a great way to learn more about the situation, tips for finding a unicorn, and giving an idea on what to expect from the arrangement.
If anything, you'll learn more about how to find a unicorn for dating!
Out in the Wild
This may be the most challenging way to find a unicorn but there is always a possibility of meeting one in real life. Consider taking the same approach to finding any single person, hitting bars, clubs, and places you would try to get lucky when you were single.
Yes, finding a unicorn here may be more challenging but it will also be incredibly exciting for you and your partner. You can head out, try and both try to seduce someone to bring into the bedroom, after which you can discuss the possibility of taking things further.